Let’s Talk About Stealth!

As previously stated in this blog, I live my life as stealth as it is possible for me to online, in real life and at work. I live in the same town that I started to transition in, so inevitably there are many people that knew me pre-transition.

That being said, I don’t really care (nor is there much I can do about) my friends who’ve known me for years knowing my status. They wouldn’t even still be in my life if they had a problem with all of this. ‘Nuff said.

In terns of online, I’ve never been one to post too much personal information anyways, let alone information as personal as my transsexual status. Sure, my gravatar has my face in it, but that pic is old admittedly and I also go by a different name for the purposes of this blog. As far as things like social media goes, I do not allow posts relating to trans issues on any of my platforms, nor do I post anything about it myself. That’s what this space is for.

Now, for work and other new places since I’ve started to pass 100% of the time, this is where things get interesting. Obviously due to not starting T until last November, even though people in my life were respectful and correctly pronouned me and such, it was not easy for me to always pass in public and definitely not at work. Since switching jobs to where no one knows me and being on T long enough to passing in public, I’m finally able to enjoy being stealth when and where I can be.

Since all of this, I must admit that it has not always been easy. I find myself constantly wondering if someone is looking at my crotch (I don’t pack 100% of the time) or if I have socialized myself well enough to not come off weird in conversations or situations. Obviously I worry about this stuff more than anyone who is interacting with me (since they don’t know about my status) and as I result, I’ve tried very hard to remember that and chill out. Also, it’s interesting to me when someone makes a comment like, “I can spot one (LGBT) person from a mile away”, when in fact, they obviously can’t, since I’m sitting right there in the room with them.

Transition has afforded me great freedom in my personal interactions, but it also is odd sometimes holding things back, reworking stories and in essence lying sometimes about my past. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I’m just saying that being stealth is not a walk in the park and it takes a lot of work and deliberate planning at times. For instance, I have not mastered STPs and as a result, I am not taking the chance at an experience that would require me to do so (i.e. a situation, male only, in the woods). Part of that is my fault, part of it is just a reminder that with being stealth, comes sacrifice.

I don’t want to end on that note though, so I guess I’ll say this: I think stealth statuses are to be respected and I would not go back on my decision. I want to live my life as the man, I am and it’s not anyone’s business how I got there, unless I alone determine it to be.



3 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Stealth!

Add yours

  1. The way I look at it, we have a medical condition. Do you know which of your co-workers has high blood pressure or diabetes? Would you be upset if they didn’t feel like sharing such personal information with everyone? Probably not.

    Things have gotten better for LGBT people, but safety is a real concern. Don’t feel bad about keeping private information private.

    If one day you’re comfortable and feel fine being out around everyone, great. But, don’t feel like you’re being dishonest. You’re being you. That’s all you need to be.

    1. Exactly. And I don’t really feel unsafe, it’s more that once someone knows your trans status, whether they mean to or not, they’ll look at you differently, even if it is subconscious. My goal is to be seen as the man I am, not the “transman”.

      Thanks for the comment!

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