Technically, my two-year anniversary is tomorrow, but I’ll be working a 14-hour day. Thus, I’m posting tonight. Let’s get to it!
This last year has been a crazy learning experience, not just with transition, but with life in general. While transition doesn’t have everything to do with my life, it is inextricably linked to it. I’ve been through top surgery, a breakup, living on my own, living stealth and more. Though it has been tough at times, I have learned so much about myself. That, I wouldn’t take back, even though it has been very trying.
My body hair has continued to fill out. These days, I’ll go a while without noticing any changes and then all of a sudden I’ll notice new or thicker hair. Thankfully, my facial hair continues to fill out, but I’m not a lumberjack. As discussed many times, I don’t come from very hairy roots, so what I can grow on my face, I’m pretty proud of.
Ha, silly one-year me! My voice has continued to deepen, but at a slower pace. I think my voice has been the most successful part of my transition. Below is a voice clip of my voice 2 years on T:
I’ve spent a lot of time in the last few weeks thinking about what I want to discuss here. There’s been SO MUCH and I continue to grow everyday not just as a man, but as a person.
The end of my relationship was very difficult to deal with, but through the dissolution of it, I have learned an incredible self-reliance I don’t know that I’ve ever had. Sure, I give myself my shots now and I’ve gotten pretty damn good at it. But more than that, I’ve been able to really settle into myself as a man (not that the journey is ever really over, but I hope you get what I mean). Before, I had to worry about someone else and their reaction to my transition. Now, if I meet someone, sure, they’ll have to know about my medical condition if it’s a romantic relationship, but I don’t foresee it taking center stage as it did before. And not all of that was on my previous partner; it also had to do with just being at the beginning of transition.
Knowing that I have the emotional resilience to face anything; whether that’s disclosing my status to a date, advancing myself professionally, maintaining friendships or even just being at home alone with my dog, is an amazing gift. A gift that I’ve given to myself.
A lot of transition is physical. I wouldn’t take any part of my transition back and I am excited to continue on. Too often though, I don’t think the emotional, psychological side is discussed. Feeling more comfortable with yourself is not only terribly understated, but an incredible feeling. It has boosted me in so many different areas of my life. Seriously, I can’t say it enough. Being able to interact with the world as the man I should’ve been born as, just keeps getting better every day. Medical transition has allowed me a sense of happiness I don’t know that I’ve ever known. With that, it has also given me the confidence to grow in other areas of my life.
The journey of self-exploration is never really over. As my grandmother says, “The day you stop learning and evolving is the day you die.”
Till next time!